Why we fear failure, and what to do about it
Dissecting our fear of failure, and the mindset changes we can implement to beat it.
I’m writing this after having returned from a public speaking competition, and guess what?
I didn’t win.
Such is life, but I think there’s real value here. Instead of looking at this as a failure, I can see it as an opportunity for growth, and this is the growth mindset that I want to explain this evening, that I hope you can take and apply to your own lives, particularly in the context of resistance training (As mentioned later on for the gym rat readers).
So, get comfortable, because this stuff is probably about to make you uncomfortable.
Why we fear failure
It’s not uncommon to see many afraid of failure. As a student, countless people, even of my own age, admit defeat without even trying that hard, sometimes without even trying at all.
Why is this such a common trait, especially among the younger generation? Why are so many scared of failing?
It’s quite simple in concept, but, like anything that’s self-improvement, it is difficult to remedy in execution.
Think about the last time you went to speak to a stranger in public - in fact, chances are you may have never done this because of this fear!
In this moment, your heart rate goes through the roof and, regardless of how practiced you are, you begin to panic a bit. Our own brain tries to convince us that it’s a bad idea, because we get worried that other people will judge us if we fail.
And that’s the centre of it, I believe. We are tribal creatures, and so we do care about how others perceive us, regardless of how much of a sigma male you consider yourself to be.
However, the way we perceive failure is, like any other element of perception, shaped by experience. Perhaps you might fear failure because of your education. I can certainly admit that, having been in the system for almost all of my life, I do notice that there is a small part of my brain that is scared of trying and failing - because if you get a bad grade, if you mess up, it’s detention and resit, right?
We can argue about the education system all day, but this is just one example. The way we view failure can be shaped by any number of environments and people. You’ve got to figure out what did it for you. After all, the only fears a baby is born with is that of heights and loud noises - so you’ve learnt it from somewhere.
How to Enjoy Failure
Now we’ve identified why we fear failure, and might be able to backtrack to the root of the problem and address it - how do we go forwards?
It’s simple - you must see it simply as an opportunity to get better, and you must accept the failure and hold yourself accountable to it.
I “failed” today by not winning my debate.
Now, I could blame the judges, and argue that they were biased under the circumstances, or that the other teams performed in an unpredictable way. I could go into self-pity, and start telling myself that I was so bad and that I should never do it again.
But, does that serve me at all? What do I gain from thinking that way?
Instead, is it not more productive to take responsibility, and to look at how I might have improved my performance for the next opportunity?
The key part of this step is to accept responsibility. You have to admit the failure, but not in a self-deprecating way. Otherwise, there’s no reason to change!
For me, I have to admit that I could have answered the questions I was given a bit better. However, I accept that I didn’t have any experience, and so it was unrealistic to expect me to perform optimally for said questions.
But, I have learnt how better to answer them in the future - so have I really failed, if I have gained not just that knowledge, but so much more, just from trying?
For a practical tip, every time I fail at something, I do a bit of journaling. I write down, why did I fail? How can I do it better next time? What did I do well?
It’s primary school level stuff, but I’ll guarantee that most are not doing this - and so not only do you learn from failure, but you get a competitive advantage over others that aren’t.
You always learn more in failure than you do in success. It is your worst enemy, but your greatest teacher.
Think about this in the context of weightlifting. Pushing to failure in training is a tried-and-true method of breaking through a plateau, and accelerating gains (To an extent, of course). So, in actuality, failing is a fundamental part of resistance training. You have to fail to make progress. That's the beauty of it - from experience, weightlifting has rewired the way I see failure, teaching that in actuality, you must fail many, many times to move forwards.
And so, instead being scared of failure, plunge yourself into discomfort, and when failure comes, and it will, embrace it wholeheartedly - because failure is part of the process.
Conclusion
I hope that you’re now well-equipped to fail forwards the next time it happens to you, and to see it not as something to beat yourself up over, or to fear, but a priceless opportunity to improve.
Did you find my insights interesting or useful? What’s been your biggest failure, that has led to the most growth? Let me know by reaching out on Instagram or commenting below.
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I’d like to end with this fantastic quote from YouTuber Hamza Ahmed that perfectly encapsulates what I’m trying to get across here:
“It’s very easy to avoid failing. That’s what makes you a failure”
- Tom
DISCLAIMER
The content provided in these posts are designed to be educational and informative. I am not a medical doctor, psychologist, therapist, nutritionist, or registered dietitian. The contents of these emails should not be seen as medical, psychological, dietary, nutritional, or healthcare advice of any kind. Always consult a qualified health professional on any matters regarding your health.